Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
