I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
