Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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