I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
