I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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