You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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