I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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