You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
