yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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