dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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