you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
