I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
