Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
