Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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