Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
