Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
