You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
