I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize