So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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