I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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