it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
