thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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