Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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