he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
