that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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