I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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