you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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