We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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