drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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