I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
