I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
