I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
