I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
