Your tits are I can't wait for
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize