Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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