Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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