I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
this will be a night to untag.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
