I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
