your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
