I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
