why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
