the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
