Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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