"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
