can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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