so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
How many fucks given?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.