How drunk are you??
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.