Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?

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(310): The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know? http://tfl.nu/ihts

Replies (7) Good night (1077) Bad night (1766)
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(360): View more from Washington

He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees

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(360): He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees http://tfl.nu/gf2k

Replies (19) Good night (4878) Bad night (2644)
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(340): View more from US Virgin Islands

well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt

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(340): well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt http://tfl.nu/yxfk

Replies (21) Good night (3355) Bad night (790)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"

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(403): You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her" http://tfl.nu/oma3

Replies (16) Good night (4879) Bad night (821)
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(254): View more from Texas

There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

(512): View more from Texas

That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

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(254): There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option. (512): That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too. http://tfl.nu/lz3p

Replies (9) Good night (2852) Bad night (1142)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...

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(337): I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job... http://tfl.nu/0251

Replies (5) Good night (2165) Bad night (705)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?

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(865): Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right? http://tfl.nu/ddd7

Replies (10) Good night (1106) Bad night (2165)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.

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(612): I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/cvm1

Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (1551)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.

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(651): When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end. http://tfl.nu/o22d

Replies (17) Good night (562) Bad night (2639)
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(352): View more from Florida

I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

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(352): I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas! http://tfl.nu/fx1v

Replies (4) Good night (1768) Bad night (513)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.

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(215): I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood. http://tfl.nu/t851

Replies (3) Good night (1795) Bad night (505)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.

(740): View more from Ohio

Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.

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(740): Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint. (740): Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint. http://tfl.nu/vk5s

Replies (22) Good night (786) Bad night (5393)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY

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(513): Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY http://tfl.nu/rc9r

Replies (7) Good night (977) Bad night (354)
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(206): View more from Washington

I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.

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(206): I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart. http://tfl.nu/h3lf

Replies (4) Good night (918) Bad night (299)
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(650): View more from California

So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.

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(650): So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer. http://tfl.nu/8gu5

Replies (5) Good night (577) Bad night (272)

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