Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go