IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
