Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
