Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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