I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dick very happy bro
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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