He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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