I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
