I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
