I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
