My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
