i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
