I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
