nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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