forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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