I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
