Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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