If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
